Unconditional Love

 What does it mean for something to be conditional? One website defines it like this:

conditional: imposing, depending on, or containing a condition; depending on other factors; not certain.

So, it stands to reason that 'unconditional' can be defined like this:

unconditional: not imposing, not depending on or not containing a condition; not depending on other factors; certain.

There are many things in life that are conditional - things we take for granted - things you might say, 'Well, duh.' For example, if you're reading this you are receiving electricity into your home based on the condition that you paid your electric bill. The fact that you were able to pay that bill is because you worked to earn enough money to do so. You receive a paycheck based on the condition that you work at your job. You have a job based on the condition that you have the skills required to perform the responsibilities/requirements demanded in that role.

My boys have privileges that are conditional. They can ride their motorcycles or play computer games, etc., after school depending on whether or not their homework is completed and they've finished any necessary chores around the house.

We all have our own activities or involvements that are conditional - they are somewhat determined by other factors. Maybe you have a date planned for the weekend. Then, your spouse has to work late, or your child gets sick, etc. It isn't certain. Life isn't certain.

What about love? Is it conditional? Is it something that should 'impose, depend on, or contain a condition?' Should love 'depend on other factors' or be uncertain?

I hope not.

But...

in too many cases we put limitations on how we love others, making love conditional.

I think that sometimes conditional love is unintentional.

For example, co-workers. You work with the same people day in and day out. You get to know each other, become good friends, and, if asked, you would say that yes, you love your co-worker. (Okay, we all have one of THOSE people around us who is simply hard to love - don't deny it. You know somebody's name just popped into your head!) You go to lunch together every day, get together occasionally on the weekend, go to work parties together, etc. Then, one of you quits to go to work somewhere else. You stay in touch with each other for a while, meeting for lunch, meeting at the mall after work or on the weekend. But, it doesn't take long before that relationship fades away because you never see each other anymore. The love that existed between the two co-workers was conditional. It was based on the condition that the two co-workers see each other every and that they maintain a commonality in sharing a workplace.

But, what else could cause a person to possess a conditional love for the people around them? Sadly, for some people, it doesn't take much. I have witnessed conditional love - I have experienced the receiving end of conditional love - I'm not sure I'm brave enough to admit it, but I've probably been guilty of placing conditions on my own love for others.

Sometimes it happens because there is a lack of contact between the two parties and the friendship dies. I've witnessed friendships where one person does something to offend the other and the relationship is forsaken with no opportunity for forgiveness. I've seen relationships where one person simply doesn't approve of something the other person is doing or how the person is living. Instead of confronting the other party and trying to understand and resolve the situation, the path of least resistance is taken, nothing is done and a relationship is shattered.

Conditional love has the mindset of, 'I love you as long as you act a certain way, think a certain way, do certain things, don't do certain things - as long as you are pleasing me, I'll love you.' This type of 'love' always results in a broken relationship and leaves the 'victim' of the conditions feeling abandoned, confused and dejected...sometimes not even knowing why the relationship ended. 

I am convinced that in a situation where someone puts limitations or conditions on the love they have for another person - whether it's a spouse, child, parent, sibling, or friend - love never existed in that relationship in the first place. 

The good news is that there are people who do love UNconditionally. People who stand by their friends 'when the going gets tough' - friends who work hard to maintain friendships even when they don't understand what the other is experiencing. Families who stick together no matter what happens - families who love each other even when the actions of some of their members is less than desirable - people who don't withhold love and affection and camaraderie because someone fails to meet their expectations. A person who loves unconditionally is someone who continues to love another person even though he has been hurt.

Is that someone like you? Someone like your best friend? Someone like me?

Someone like Christ.

What happened at Calvary is the ultimate Unconditional Love. God knew before He created the earth that none of us would ever be able to live up to the Standard. He knew that we would turn our backs on Him, reject Him, blaspheme His Name, break His laws, and would worship other gods. Yet, he still chose to create us. He still chose to provide a Way. He still chose to send His only Son, Jesus, to Earth to come to our rescue.

He still chose to love us.

Unconditionally.

He still loves us unconditionally.

 He doesn't withhold His love from us because of what we do, how we act, what we say. He doesn't forsake us, even when we forsake Him.

Because He loves us.

He loves us unconditionally.

So, when friends fail us - when family fails us - and they will...we have the assurance that there is, indeed, a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. Someone who loves us no matter what. I am so thankful that God's faithfulness to me isn't dependent on my faithfulness to Him - I am eternally thankful for His unconditional love.

Change. Webster defines change like this: to make different in some particular; to alter; to make radically different; to transform.

Change. Mostly, I don't like change. I like to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, where it's going to happen, and who I'll be with when it happens. But, the year 2011 brought tremendous change for our family.

Our lives were made different in many particulars; our lives were altered, made radically different, and, truly, transformed.

The year started with Deric receiving a drastic salary reduction. A few months later we left the church we had called home for 14 years. Mid-summer, we learned that a substantial financial agreement made between Deric another party was going sour. That same month Deric quit the job he'd held for four years for a job with less pay and benefits. In the Fall we made the decision to place the boys in public school for the first time. My hopes for landing a teaching job were shattered. Dylan started middle school. Eli started Kindergarten.

I know for many - even for some of my close friends - this list sounds easy. You experienced much more troubling issues during the year 2011. But, we were in our comfort zone - and we were forced out of it.

Change is inevitable. Think about it. Everything changes. There's nothing we can do to stop it. Our jobs change. Our cars change - our houses - our pets - our likes and dislikes - our viewpoints - our waistbands (you know I had to say it).

 As much as we don't like it - through death or divorce or other causes - our family changes...

...our friends change...

...life is all about change.

The year 2011 helped me realize that change isn't all bad. Ok. When your husband comes home and says his salary has been cut, it's not a good day. But, for the most part, all of the changes that 2011 brought for my family were blessings in disguise.

Deric now works 10 minutes from home, as opposed to 40 miles away (an hour commute with rush hour traffic). God has blessed us in that he spends more time at home and has more flexibility than before. Looking back we can see how God was leading him to leave his job in Norcross. It was God's plan all along. Not our plan.

The boys are in public school. Now, I will admit that - if we could afford it - they would still be in Christian school. I wasn't too concerned about Eli adapting, but Dylan had been in the same school since 1st grade. I was concerned for him. But, God has helped Dylan adjust - through little things - like the band director asking him to play in the 7th grade jazz band, even though he's a 6th grader - and he's now in a gifted program. It's all worked out just fine. And, you know what? God didn't need our help. Again, He had a plan all along.

Another big change...

...and this is a big one...

...and, really, 2011 was just the culmination of the change...

...but...

I'm not Gladys anymore.

Phew...

...there, I said it.

You see, I was more like Gladys than I dared to admit when I donned her gray wig, blue dress, white gloves and oversized Bible. To steal one of her lines, I was judgmental and bound to the law and tradition. You might say I was a modern-day Pharisee.

I have learned so much over the past year or so. I don't have to try to please anyone - not anyone here on Earth - not you (sorry if that bursts your bubble), not a priest, pastor, pope, deacon, elder, parishioner, friend, family or foe. My only goal is to please my Lord and Master.

Another thing.

Gladys always made sure she had on her 'Sunday best,' carried the biggest KJV Bible she could find when going to church, and was very careful to make sure everyone around her heard her money clang when she dropped it into the offering plate. She looked down on people who did any less - you know, those people who wear just anything (*gasp* even shorts!) to church - surely they could afford one decent outfit for Sunday. And, the audacity of those other people who insist on reading anything BUT the King James Version.

I was like that to some extent.

I've learned that it doesn't matter what you look like, how big your Bible is, how much you tithe (ok - go ahead, chastise me for saying that. You probably don't know as much about tithing as you think you do. But, that's another blog for another day.). For you see, many of us need to be reminded that man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. I'll go out on a limb here and say that God had rather someone attend church wearing ratty clothes and shoes who had an honest, pure heart than someone wearing a 3 piece suit and tie who had sin in his heart.

Bound to the law and tradition.

Not anymore. I've changed.

That's doesn't mean I've gone off the deep end.

It just means that I've tried to focus more on God and value what He values.

Now. Earlier I said everything changes. That isn't true. There are a few things that don't change.

God never changes. His Word never changes. In Malachi God says, 'For I am the Lord, I change not.' We can rest assured that the promises He made do not change. God, unlike mankind, never changes.

So, looking back over the year 2011, I'm thankful that I didn't get my way. I'm thankful that God answered no to many, many prayers from me. If 2011 taught me anything, it's to be patient in prayer, to sit back and watch sometimes - because God's plan is always better than anything I could ever ask for.

When God knocks on your Gladys-like heart's door, don't be afraid to answer it. Don't be afraid to change, worried about what other Gladys-like people will think. Because, in the end, their opinions don't matter anyway.

Oh, by the way, Happy New Year!

BFF

BFF...best friends forever. "BFF" has become a popular way of describing those of our friends whom we cherish and love deeply. It's a fun way to tell someone how you feel about them. After a conversation with one of my "BFF's" this week I started to think about friendship...and friends.

We all have different types of friends: acquaintances, co-workers, friends from school or college, church friends, family, best friends...hey, I even have about 450 Facebook friends! Someone once said, "There are three types of friends: those like food, without which you can't live; those like medicine, which you need occasionally; and those like an illness, which you never want." Well, I have my share of friends from each of those categories. It does seem that God sometimes gives you more "illness" friends than "food" friends. Right? I can't be the only one that thinks that. Ha!

When I really stop to think about the friends God has placed in my life, I have to admit that He has blessed me with some truly great friends. Friends that would be at my doorstep as soon as humanly possible if needed. Friends that - although time and distance have separated us - could pick up right where we left off and never miss a beat. Friends who have stood by me through the proverbial thick and thin. Friends who know the true me and still choose to be my friend and love me unconditionally. "Food" friends...

But, don't forget...there are others...

..."illness" friends...

Friends who...have betrayed me. Friends who are "friends" because it is convenient. Friends who only want "the inside scoop" on your life. Friends who...turned out to be not-so-much-of-a-friend after all. Even "Facebook friends" who only added you to see how fat you are and how much gray hair you have. Ha!

Okay, so I know I'm not the only one. And, I'm not so naive to think that everyone who calls himself a friend is really a friend. If we were honest with ourselves, we would have to admit that we have MANY acquaintances...but not many friends. I get it.

What I don't get...is how some of those "food" friends - and even "medicine" friends - can turn so quickly into being an "illness" friend...for no apparent reason. I know you've been there, too. You know, suddenly you realize that the same person who - at the very worst- had become that dreaded "illness" friend - was never really a friend after all. You're left with a void in your heart and a longing for the friendship that was never there to begin with.

Something else...

I don't understand how people can seemingly abandon a friendship because something somewhere changed. I've seen, and experienced, loss of friendship -or at least a greatly diminished level of comraderie in a friendship - due to a change in socioeconomic status. The fact that Deric and I were no longer business owners didn't change who we were. But some of our friends changed.

And, since I'm on my soapbox, why is it that the same people who claim to love you and care deeply for you - would do anything for you - never call to check on you or just call to say "hi' when logistics change...new job, new church, new gym, etc...

...were these people - who may have been considered "food" friends, or at the very least, "medicine" friends - really friends at all? Maybe logistics sparked the friendship...did logistics define the friendship? Are they "logistical" friends? Or were they merely acquaintances who were wearing the mask of friendship?

Okay. All of this really made me stop and think about myself as a friend. What kind of friend am I? Do my friends - even the ones I would consider "food" friends - categorize me as a "medicine" friend? An "illness" friend? Have I allowed friendships to wain because friends are no longer readily accessible?

The Bible says that a man who has friends must show himself to be friendly. Does that mean that my friends can only be as good a friend as I am? The Bible also says that a friend loves at all times. Does that mean I have to love my friends even when it isn't convenient for me? What about when his circumstances change? If my friend makes life choices - or maybe the choices are made for him - that I don't understand...do I still need to show love to him?

Obviously, the answer is yes.

Of course, there's no way to know how someone will react to certain situations until thrown right in the middle. My prayer - for myself - is that I will show my friends - all of them, regardless of "food, medicine or illness" status - the love that God shows me each and every day. He knows my circumstances. He knows the foolish choices I make. He knows when I have been a lousy friend to someone else. But, He knew that from the beginning of time. And, He still chose to send Jesus to rescue me. He loves me in spite of who I am, or how friendly I am to others.

That being said, I'm sure we all have friends to check up on...no time like the present...

"The road to a friend's house is never long."

The Easter Bunny and The Cross

This Sunday we as Christians will celebrate the most important day in Christian history...the day our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, resurrected from the grave. Without the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus we would be a dying world with no hope of salvation. The resurrection is the foundation of everything we believe and it alone sets Christianity apart from any other beliefs and religions in all of history. If you go to the tombs of any of the prophets on whom these other religions were founded, you will find the decayed remains of those prophets. What would you find in the tomb of Jesus? Nothing! Because He left the tomb empty after three days. We serve a living Savior!

So, HOW do we celebrate? Undoubtedly, the majority of us will get up and go to church. Many will even brave the early morning hours of a sunrise service. After church...if you're like me...we'll get together with family, eat too much and then hide Easter eggs in the back yard for the kids. I think it's a great way to spend the day...well, all except the "hiding the eggs" part...my boys and two nieces expect the eggs to be hidden more than once...but I digress...

I've debated with myself about how much time to spend here talking about the origin of the Easter egg and the Easter Bunny. You probably know that in many cultures the egg represents fertility or new life. This metaphor fits well with Chrisianity. It could be symbolic of the resurrection or the new life that we have in Christ through the cross. The Easter Bunny - which also can represent new life due to the large number of offspring they produce - originated in Germany. The "Osterhase," or Easter Bunny, came at night and brought presents for children. There are many legends surrounding the merging of the Easter Bunny and Easter eggs, and even more about how both came to be associated with the celebration of the resurrection. I won't detail those. The bottom line is that the Easter Bunny and Easter baskets brimming with brightly-colored eggs have become synonymous with Easter.

I thought about what Easter looks like from the world's point of view. Time to get new outfits for the kids...Spring pictures for the kids and perhaps the whole family...Easter baskets...Easter Bunny...coloring Easter eggs...chocolate bunnies...Cadbury Creme Eggs...egg hunts...going to church with grandma...time together with family. It's all good. Right? Yes. All good.

Something very important is missing...Christ.

Yes. I mentioned church. There are many, many people who go to church on Easter Sunday because "it's what you're supposed to do." And, pastors who are sensitive to that do a great job in presenting a strong Gospel message Easter morning. These people - quite literally - may only hear the message of salvation once a year when they go to church on Easter Sunday. It should be our prayer that the Holy Spirit would prick hearts so that they will be open to hearing.

But, let's look a little closer at how many Christians celebrate Easter.

Time to get new outfits for the kids...Spring pictures for the kids and perhaps the whole family...Easter baskets...Easter Bunny...coloring Easter eggs...chocolate bunnies...Cadbury Creme Eggs...egg hunts...going to church with grandma...time together with family. And, yes, it's all good. But, many times we - myself included - get so caught up in all of the preparations...cleaning the house for company, cooking lunch, selecting the perfect basket and prizes for the kids...that we fail to take time to remember and focus on why we...Christians...are celebrating to begin with.

The Cross. The Resurrection.

The world has done an excellent job of distracting us. Honestly, we don't need much help. Our attention is easily redirected...at least I know that's how I am. And Satan knows that. He will use anything to get our attention off of the Truth. Has he used the Easter Bunny to distract us? Certainly. Easter eggs? Absolutely. Satan has used the trivial things we associate with Easter to desensitize us to Main Thing that Easter should be all about.

I don't think it's a coincidence that Hell has used something as "warm and fuzzy" as the Easter Bunny and Easter eggs to take our focus off of the cross. Satan wants people to think, "Oh, yes, Jesus died on the cross. It wasn't THAT bad, right?" And even we have trivialized the cross. We wear cross pendants around our necks, hanging from our ears, adorned to our Bibles, clothing, cars...I'm not saying that's a bad thing...not at all. But, I think when the average person - including the average Christian - thinks about the cross, he thinks about a picture he's seen hanging somewhere in a bookstore with Jesus in the middle of two thieves, and that's as far as it goes. The cross was brutal. If you've seen the movie "The Passion of the Christ" I don't have to paint the picture for you. The suffering and agony that Christ endured for our sin was savage and inhumane. What better way to get the focus off of this fact than with an innocent bunny and beautifully colored eggs.

Okay. Having said that...yes, I am trying to "select the perfect basket" for my boys. Luckily, I don't have to worry about cleaning my house for company because we are going to my parents' house for lunch Sunday. We will most certainly hide eggs in the back yard...several times, I'm sure. But, my prayer is that I can convey to my boys that the fun side of Easter is not what it's all about. I want them to know exactly what was involved in the payment of their sin. I want to ingrain it into their minds in such a way that...in many years to come...they are able to do the same for their children.

So, Sunday morning, as you sit in church and sing praises to God the Father, I pray that you will sing a little louder, pray a bit harder and thank Him for sending His Son to the Cross. When you are spending time with your family Sunday afternoon...after you've eaten too much and you're fussing over whose turn it is to hide the eggs...keep the Cross in the forefront of your mind. Because without our faith in it...without our faith in the Resurrected Savior...nothing else matters.

Happy Easter!

"Gleanings from Gladys"

Gleanings from Gladys. Gladys? Gleanings? Gleanings. Glean. Does anyone really EVER use that word anymore? And...Gladys? Who IS Gladys? Why "Gleanings from Gladys?"

I'll start with Gladys.

Gladys is very special. She is a well dressed lady (if only in her own mind), highly esteemed friend (at least she thinks a lot of herself), submissive wife (just don't ask her husband, Gus, about that) and she carries a big Bible (King James Version, of course). She grew up in the Baptist church. She was saved and baptized at the very young age of 6 (although she secretly doubts her salvation). She can tell you about every Old Testament Sunday School story that has ever been taught and lecture for hours about New Testament parables. She has perfect attendance Sunday School pins that date back to 1970. Gladys loves gospel music. She even has the page numbers in the Baptist hymnal memorized! She thinks the new "praise and worship" songs are okay, but they shouldn't be used too often. (The Baptist hymnal is almost as sacred as the Bible.) Besides, it's just TRADITION to use the hymnal. She reads her Bible ALMOST everyday (nobody can be perfect, after all). She has been president of the WMU for 14 years (because no one would dare ask her to step down). She can quote from Robert's Rules of Order. She believes in keeping things the same year after year to maintain traditions and to avoid bickering. Gladys is, indeed, a SPECIAL lady.

Of course, Gladys is a fictitious character. In fact, you probably know that I played the role of Gladys on more than one occasion, the most prominent being during a Christmas Pageant at church. It was fun...mostly. I think it was more fun for the folks watching than it was for me. To say that I was out of my comfort zone would be an understatement. More about Gladys in a few minutes.

Gleanings. According to merriam-webster.com the definition of glean is 1: to gather grain or other produce left by reapers or 2: to gather information or material bit by bit; to pick over in search of relevant material.

Take a look at the first definition: to gather grain or other produce left by reapers. When I first started thinking about this blog - and my desire to explain the name - I thought more about the "gleanings" part than I did the "Gladys" part. The Old Testament story of Ruth teaches many lessons - my favorite is a picture of Christ as our Kinsman Redeemer...but that's another blog for another day.

In those days, according to God's command, when a farmer harvested his field he was to leave any grain that fell. He was to leave it there for poor people to come behind the reapers and pick up so they would have food for their family. (The reapers were also not to harvest all the way to the edges of the fields in order to leave some more for the poor.) Gathering of the left-over grain was called "gleaning." Ruth gleaned in the field of a man named Boaz. She gathered grain to feed herself and Naomi. Again, another blog...

So...the reapers come in and...well...reap...they harvest the grain. They may miss some and they will drop some. Ruth comes along behind them and gathers anything left on the ground. She also examines each stalk. She searches - bit by bit - to see if there is anything she can gather...or glean.

This leads to the second part of the definition: to gather information or material bit by bit; to pick over in search of relevant material. Now, go back to the title of my blog.

Gleanings from Gladys.

"Gathering information" or "relevant material" from Gladys.

Seriously? Gathering relevant material - learning - from Gladys. A self-absorbed, legalistic church member.

Absolutely.

I didn't consider myself to be legalistic. Not me. I mean...I grew up as a preacher's daughter. I could spot a legalist in a heartbeat. The only problem was I couldn't see the plank in my own eye.

It was a piece of cake to write lines for Gladys. The words came easy (well...somewhat...). The more I thought of lines for her, the more I realized that it came easy for a reason:

I. Was. Gladys.

Me? A legalist? Really, God? Are you sure? I slowly came to the realization that I was "judgmental, bound to the law and tradition." I was much like a Pharisee. No, I don't THINK I did things - served in the church - just to be seen and to make a name for myself. But, I was judgmental (wow...that's still hard to admit). And, it was usually over petty issues. For example, should a person...a Christian...be allowed to sing in the choir if he is not a church member? How about play in the band? Take up the offering? Okay...maybe, maybe not. Gladys would say absolutely not. Should a person wear jeans to church on Sunday night? How about Sunday morning? Gladys would say that you should wear your "Sunday-go-to-meetin' clothes" if you're going to church. Yes, I believe a person should put his best foot forward at all times. If you are going to church...especially Sunday morning...you should look your best and be dressed modestly and appropriately. But, God sees the heart. Why should it REALLY matter what we wear - within reason - if He is only concerned with the inside, not the outside.

This is only the tip of the iceberg. Gladys taught me more about myself than I ever cared to learn. I will explore some of these lessons in future posts. I haven't "arrived." I still have many...too many...Gladys tendencies. It's an on-going struggle. But, I know that I am not the same person I was three years ago - a year ago - even just a few months ago. And, I pray that I will continue to glean from Gladys. But more importantly, I pray that I will continue to learn from the Holy Spirit. I pray that He will fashion me into His likeness.

"Being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6

Salt of the Earth

I started a blog. I've contemplated it...and procrastinated. But I finally did it. I don't really know what I expect to accomplish. And, I don't anticipate many followers. But, I have lots to say and this is the best avenue I know to do so.

Today marks two weeks since my family "left" our church of nearly 14 years. It has been an eye-opening experience. Last week we were heathens and didn't go to church or have church on our own. We needed the break. But, this morning we woke up (not at 5am!), had breakfast together as a family, then decided to "have church." We sat around the piano and sang for nearly an hour. When we had enough of that we got out one of Dylan's Bibles, The Honey Word Bible. Deric read from Matthew 5 - Jesus has called us to be the salt of the earth. He's counting on us to be "salt shakers" to the people around us...to give them a taste of what life could really be like with Him.

As I thought about this, I kept coming back to "what life could really be like with Him," and couldn't help thinking about what life "shouldn't be with Him." Too often Christians get caught up in staying busy in the church. Sunday School, Worship, choir practice, visitation, children's programs, youth programs, programs for married couples, programs for single adults, men's programs, women's programs...the modern church offers a smorgasbord of programs to keep us busy. But, is it enough to be busy? Is that what God wants? Does He want us to be busy...so busy that our families suffer...so busy that we neglect the very Reason we go to church? I have spent my entire life involved in one church program or another. And, I like to think that my family and I are better for it. But, we had gone over the edge, I think. We were so involved - so busy - that our family was beginning to be adversely affected. We all started dreading Sunday morning by mid-afternoon on Saturday. That cannot be the way God intended church to be.

"A taste of what life could really be like with Him." I'd like to think that my family got a good taste of the adundant life today. We came together as a family, worshipped our Sovereign Lord, studied His Word, and enjoyed spending time together. Will we continue in our home church endeavor? I hope so...whether we eventually land in a traditional church or not, times of worship spent together as a family are absolutely priceless.