Unconditional Love

 What does it mean for something to be conditional? One website defines it like this:

conditional: imposing, depending on, or containing a condition; depending on other factors; not certain.

So, it stands to reason that 'unconditional' can be defined like this:

unconditional: not imposing, not depending on or not containing a condition; not depending on other factors; certain.

There are many things in life that are conditional - things we take for granted - things you might say, 'Well, duh.' For example, if you're reading this you are receiving electricity into your home based on the condition that you paid your electric bill. The fact that you were able to pay that bill is because you worked to earn enough money to do so. You receive a paycheck based on the condition that you work at your job. You have a job based on the condition that you have the skills required to perform the responsibilities/requirements demanded in that role.

My boys have privileges that are conditional. They can ride their motorcycles or play computer games, etc., after school depending on whether or not their homework is completed and they've finished any necessary chores around the house.

We all have our own activities or involvements that are conditional - they are somewhat determined by other factors. Maybe you have a date planned for the weekend. Then, your spouse has to work late, or your child gets sick, etc. It isn't certain. Life isn't certain.

What about love? Is it conditional? Is it something that should 'impose, depend on, or contain a condition?' Should love 'depend on other factors' or be uncertain?

I hope not.

But...

in too many cases we put limitations on how we love others, making love conditional.

I think that sometimes conditional love is unintentional.

For example, co-workers. You work with the same people day in and day out. You get to know each other, become good friends, and, if asked, you would say that yes, you love your co-worker. (Okay, we all have one of THOSE people around us who is simply hard to love - don't deny it. You know somebody's name just popped into your head!) You go to lunch together every day, get together occasionally on the weekend, go to work parties together, etc. Then, one of you quits to go to work somewhere else. You stay in touch with each other for a while, meeting for lunch, meeting at the mall after work or on the weekend. But, it doesn't take long before that relationship fades away because you never see each other anymore. The love that existed between the two co-workers was conditional. It was based on the condition that the two co-workers see each other every and that they maintain a commonality in sharing a workplace.

But, what else could cause a person to possess a conditional love for the people around them? Sadly, for some people, it doesn't take much. I have witnessed conditional love - I have experienced the receiving end of conditional love - I'm not sure I'm brave enough to admit it, but I've probably been guilty of placing conditions on my own love for others.

Sometimes it happens because there is a lack of contact between the two parties and the friendship dies. I've witnessed friendships where one person does something to offend the other and the relationship is forsaken with no opportunity for forgiveness. I've seen relationships where one person simply doesn't approve of something the other person is doing or how the person is living. Instead of confronting the other party and trying to understand and resolve the situation, the path of least resistance is taken, nothing is done and a relationship is shattered.

Conditional love has the mindset of, 'I love you as long as you act a certain way, think a certain way, do certain things, don't do certain things - as long as you are pleasing me, I'll love you.' This type of 'love' always results in a broken relationship and leaves the 'victim' of the conditions feeling abandoned, confused and dejected...sometimes not even knowing why the relationship ended. 

I am convinced that in a situation where someone puts limitations or conditions on the love they have for another person - whether it's a spouse, child, parent, sibling, or friend - love never existed in that relationship in the first place. 

The good news is that there are people who do love UNconditionally. People who stand by their friends 'when the going gets tough' - friends who work hard to maintain friendships even when they don't understand what the other is experiencing. Families who stick together no matter what happens - families who love each other even when the actions of some of their members is less than desirable - people who don't withhold love and affection and camaraderie because someone fails to meet their expectations. A person who loves unconditionally is someone who continues to love another person even though he has been hurt.

Is that someone like you? Someone like your best friend? Someone like me?

Someone like Christ.

What happened at Calvary is the ultimate Unconditional Love. God knew before He created the earth that none of us would ever be able to live up to the Standard. He knew that we would turn our backs on Him, reject Him, blaspheme His Name, break His laws, and would worship other gods. Yet, he still chose to create us. He still chose to provide a Way. He still chose to send His only Son, Jesus, to Earth to come to our rescue.

He still chose to love us.

Unconditionally.

He still loves us unconditionally.

 He doesn't withhold His love from us because of what we do, how we act, what we say. He doesn't forsake us, even when we forsake Him.

Because He loves us.

He loves us unconditionally.

So, when friends fail us - when family fails us - and they will...we have the assurance that there is, indeed, a Friend who sticks closer than a brother. Someone who loves us no matter what. I am so thankful that God's faithfulness to me isn't dependent on my faithfulness to Him - I am eternally thankful for His unconditional love.

Change. Webster defines change like this: to make different in some particular; to alter; to make radically different; to transform.

Change. Mostly, I don't like change. I like to know what's going to happen, when it's going to happen, where it's going to happen, and who I'll be with when it happens. But, the year 2011 brought tremendous change for our family.

Our lives were made different in many particulars; our lives were altered, made radically different, and, truly, transformed.

The year started with Deric receiving a drastic salary reduction. A few months later we left the church we had called home for 14 years. Mid-summer, we learned that a substantial financial agreement made between Deric another party was going sour. That same month Deric quit the job he'd held for four years for a job with less pay and benefits. In the Fall we made the decision to place the boys in public school for the first time. My hopes for landing a teaching job were shattered. Dylan started middle school. Eli started Kindergarten.

I know for many - even for some of my close friends - this list sounds easy. You experienced much more troubling issues during the year 2011. But, we were in our comfort zone - and we were forced out of it.

Change is inevitable. Think about it. Everything changes. There's nothing we can do to stop it. Our jobs change. Our cars change - our houses - our pets - our likes and dislikes - our viewpoints - our waistbands (you know I had to say it).

 As much as we don't like it - through death or divorce or other causes - our family changes...

...our friends change...

...life is all about change.

The year 2011 helped me realize that change isn't all bad. Ok. When your husband comes home and says his salary has been cut, it's not a good day. But, for the most part, all of the changes that 2011 brought for my family were blessings in disguise.

Deric now works 10 minutes from home, as opposed to 40 miles away (an hour commute with rush hour traffic). God has blessed us in that he spends more time at home and has more flexibility than before. Looking back we can see how God was leading him to leave his job in Norcross. It was God's plan all along. Not our plan.

The boys are in public school. Now, I will admit that - if we could afford it - they would still be in Christian school. I wasn't too concerned about Eli adapting, but Dylan had been in the same school since 1st grade. I was concerned for him. But, God has helped Dylan adjust - through little things - like the band director asking him to play in the 7th grade jazz band, even though he's a 6th grader - and he's now in a gifted program. It's all worked out just fine. And, you know what? God didn't need our help. Again, He had a plan all along.

Another big change...

...and this is a big one...

...and, really, 2011 was just the culmination of the change...

...but...

I'm not Gladys anymore.

Phew...

...there, I said it.

You see, I was more like Gladys than I dared to admit when I donned her gray wig, blue dress, white gloves and oversized Bible. To steal one of her lines, I was judgmental and bound to the law and tradition. You might say I was a modern-day Pharisee.

I have learned so much over the past year or so. I don't have to try to please anyone - not anyone here on Earth - not you (sorry if that bursts your bubble), not a priest, pastor, pope, deacon, elder, parishioner, friend, family or foe. My only goal is to please my Lord and Master.

Another thing.

Gladys always made sure she had on her 'Sunday best,' carried the biggest KJV Bible she could find when going to church, and was very careful to make sure everyone around her heard her money clang when she dropped it into the offering plate. She looked down on people who did any less - you know, those people who wear just anything (*gasp* even shorts!) to church - surely they could afford one decent outfit for Sunday. And, the audacity of those other people who insist on reading anything BUT the King James Version.

I was like that to some extent.

I've learned that it doesn't matter what you look like, how big your Bible is, how much you tithe (ok - go ahead, chastise me for saying that. You probably don't know as much about tithing as you think you do. But, that's another blog for another day.). For you see, many of us need to be reminded that man looks at the outward appearance, but God looks at the heart. I'll go out on a limb here and say that God had rather someone attend church wearing ratty clothes and shoes who had an honest, pure heart than someone wearing a 3 piece suit and tie who had sin in his heart.

Bound to the law and tradition.

Not anymore. I've changed.

That's doesn't mean I've gone off the deep end.

It just means that I've tried to focus more on God and value what He values.

Now. Earlier I said everything changes. That isn't true. There are a few things that don't change.

God never changes. His Word never changes. In Malachi God says, 'For I am the Lord, I change not.' We can rest assured that the promises He made do not change. God, unlike mankind, never changes.

So, looking back over the year 2011, I'm thankful that I didn't get my way. I'm thankful that God answered no to many, many prayers from me. If 2011 taught me anything, it's to be patient in prayer, to sit back and watch sometimes - because God's plan is always better than anything I could ever ask for.

When God knocks on your Gladys-like heart's door, don't be afraid to answer it. Don't be afraid to change, worried about what other Gladys-like people will think. Because, in the end, their opinions don't matter anyway.

Oh, by the way, Happy New Year!